My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
