you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
