Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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