the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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