i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
