Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
