She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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