i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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