Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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