I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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