Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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