I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
