I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
