I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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