he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
