I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
