So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
