is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
