everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
