i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
