see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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