This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
