If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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