dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
