Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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