Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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