I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
