maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
