I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
