umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
