Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
