wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i drank out of a bidet.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So vagazzling was a success
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
