I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
