i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
