plz talk dirty to me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
