Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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