We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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