Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
