just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
