I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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