Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
