Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
