I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's never too late to be topless.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
