I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
