I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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