if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
