I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my shit smells like andre
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
