I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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