dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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