I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
