The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
