in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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