my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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